You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

~ Woody Allen

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists

~ Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

~ Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

~ Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

~ Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman

~ Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

~ Woody Allen

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

~ Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

~ Woody Allen

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

~ Woody Allen